Be your own source of encouragement and inspiration. You know what’s best for you.
Many years back I met woman from school. We always had really amazing talks about life and what we wanted, where we were headed and of course our love lives. She was really struggling with her fiance at the time and the way their relationship was developing. He was very critical of her and her behavior. She always assumed his observations of her, where right. She was a very lively, effervescent person, who could light up a room just by walking into it. In hindsight, I can see that he was not confident enough to accept her as her true self. She tried and tried, to “fix herself” for him and was left feeling frustrated and worried about the engagement. She came to me one day and said ” Terri, I don’t know what else to do. How do you do it? You always seem so positive and confident. I want to know what you know.” The funny thing was, that I had just gone through a divorce and a major life altering experience, only a year earlier. I had just started coming back from it all. I had been a shell of a person. I tried to change and sacrifice myself for someone else, only to realize that is an impossible and completely unhealthy thing to do. I began to question every decision I made and stopped trusting my instincts. After about a year, I licked my wounds and started to recreate myself and get back in-touch with who I was.
I wrote this letter and tips based on my strategy that I used for myself during my healing journey and shared it with my friend. I only just came across it recently, while going through some old files. As I read it, I thought, this is still very good information and a good reminder for me as well. Lately, I have slacked off in some of these areas. It is good to revisit and refresh. This was good advice then and still is now. It was extremely helpful for me and proved to be helpful for my friend also. My hope is that this letter will remind us that we are important and it is up to us to advocate for ourselves.
Here is the original letter that follows:
I use to wish that the men I dated would treat me and comfort me the same way I had done for them. I was always left feeling like they didn’t love me enough, or they were not affectionate enough, or verbal enough. Very recently, I came to realize, that I was looking in the wrong places. I have the best form of comfort within myself. I am so loving, comforting and encouraging to everyone in my life, except myself. Why should I be so much harder, or critical of myself? I would not even think of doing that to others. I have practiced these steps for the last six months and they have made a huge difference in my life and my attitude. I don’t think we can ever change, or become a better person for a man, or anyone else for that matter. If someone is not treating you the way you want to be treated, then it’s time to take another look at that relationship and ask yourself, “Why am I here?” YOU are the most important person in your life! YOU must do this for you, because YOU are a deserving, worthy and precious person.
You are a creation of this Universe, you must be FANTASTIC!
- Listen to meditations as often as needed. (DAILY IF POSSIBLE, IF NOT, WEEKLY) You can find any number of good ones on the internet. Here are a couple of my favorites: http://www.omvana.com/meditations/the-daisy-pond-by-burt
- You have to want to change for yourself, not for someone else.
- Treat yourself as you would others. Visualize giving yourself a hug on a bad day. Speak to yourself as you would, if it were someone you really cared about, who was upset. Comfort and encourage yourself.
- Console yourself, and coach yourself the same as you would a friend. Don’t bad self-talk yourself. This would sound like: You’re so stupid, WHAT did you do? What an idiot I am! I am so ugly, fat, strange or anything else that puts you down. You would never talk to your friends like that, you deserve the same respect.
- Have compassion for yourself. Life is hard. We are not going to get everything right. That’s OK. Learn from mistakes and give yourself a pat on the back for having tried new things, even if it scared you. The outcome may not have turned out the way you hoped, but you tried and pushed yourself out of your comfort zone. That alone, is something to be proud of. Anytime you try, you are doing GREAT!
- Do nice things for yourself IE: pick yourself some flowers and put them in a pretty vase on the table, take the time to make a nice healthy meal, even if you are alone, a candle lit bath with a good book, or make your bed in the morning, if you don’t normally do that every day; even if you think you don’t have time or energy. What a lovely reward to come home at the end of a busy day and crawl into a nice bed and it only takes a few extra minutes.
- Find what makes your heart sing and do more of that and often.
- Surround yourself with happy, positive people and limit your exposure to unpleasant, negative people.
- Limit the amount of media you intake. IE: News, newspapers etc. too much negative talk can burden you and make you feel bad and you wont even know where the bad feelings came from. We don’t need to be made aware of every little thing going on in the world.
- Treat yourself how you want others to treat you. Treat yourself as you would treat others.
- Regularly Provide healthy food, healthy choices, fresh air and exercise for yourself. If you had a child, how would you feed him or her? Healthy fruits and vegetables? Good home cooked meals, fresh meats that you had to prepare? Or would you give your child, prepackaged foods that you don’t know what the ingredients were, let alone how to pronounce them, fast food void of nutrition and high in sugar, chemical laced products? Would you let them sit and mope around or would you encourage them to go and play, go for a walk, a bike ride, read a book or call a friend?
- A healthy mind stems from a healthy body. You cannot have one without the other.
You deserve the best and so does your magnificent body.
In my experience, if you practice these steps you will see a tremendous difference in how you feel and how you see the world, as well as the people around you. I know I did. People in your life will see you differently and be drawn to you. They will say things like, “Wow, you look amazing, you have a glow, have you changed your hair?” It feels really good and you are worth it. Allow yourself to become who you truly are, and all the joy and beauty that comes with that.